Religion Introduction Follow up

**Sorry if this is a bit muddled. I wrote it nearly as a stream of thought.

I stopped going to church sometime in 1996 or 97 can't seem to remember exactly. The reasons are many. I believe one of the biggest came from a class I took in college - Anthropology. I started to learn of cultural relativity and the idea of ethnocentrism. For whatever reason, it opened my mind - for better or worse. My instructor also talked of how most all (if not all - I can't quite remember) cultures had a 'god' story or their own set of gods, etc. This all made me question religion as I was always taught. I had in my head that our way was the only proper way. I began to think that maybe just because other cultures did things differently doesn't make their way wrong. If that enters your head, it is really hard to be a Christian. To be a Christian you have to view every other religion as false and attempt to convert them. I found myself not whole heartedly believing other cultures were fully wrong and before you know it I fell away.

Now there were other things at hand here as well. Things like having to judge friends and family. I do agree that if you are to be a Christian one has to do these things as instructed by the Bible, but I found myself unable to do this any longer. Then I began to openly question God. Why did he create us? To worship him. Was he that lonely and insecure or vain? The thoughts get more galling, but I will tackle them individually.

My grandfather died that year as well. Most everyone thinks their grand parents are near saintly, but my grandfather was a wonderful, quiet, hardworking farmer, humble, meek, not a drinker, not a smoker, didn't use profanity, gave money away to many with absolutely no expectations of repayment, went to church every Wednesday and Sunday - the list could go on. The rub is he didn't belong to the Church of Christ. He wasn’t baptized properly in the Church of Christ. Technically he was going to hell. That was hard to swallow.

I must at this time explain that I believe the way the Church of Christ views and interprets the Bible is closer than any other religion. I do - end of statement. In spite of my falling away, I still believe they are closer in worshipping God properly than anyone else - by far.

Still, I questioned (and still do so) God. If I were to try to believe in God again and obey his word, I would do so by attending the Church of Christ again. I guess what I am trying to say is that just because I had walked away from the church it's dogma had left its mark and I couldn't just shrug it off. I couldn't like everyone else walk around going - He's in a better place. In my heart, I didn't believe it. Therefore I do believe there was a bit of rebellion in my heart as it filled with despair thinking my grandfather was in or on his way to hell.

Since then I anguish near daily over it. I reason where there will never be an answer. I only hope that if I am ever to get it right God will help me or someone else will say or do something that turns that light on again.