Brief Background of my wife and me career wise

**Just a reminder. I am not a writer and I do not fancy myself as such. I hope I am writing coherently enough that things are readable, but I know there may from time to time be something a little awkward. I offer my apologies.

My wife and I have been together for nearly 19 years. We have been married for 13 years this month. She and I didn't have our first child until I was 29 and she was 26. So we were together for around 10 years before children entered the picture. In this time, we just lived day to day. We didn't really solidify a career and were always in and out financial jams, but since it was just us it really didn't bother us too much. Then she got pregnant.

I had accumulated around 70 to 80 credits at the local university over the years, but they basically sat there and still do to this day. However, about a year after our first son was born I went to the local community college to pound out a Computer Networking degree. This turn out to be useless in my home city. It was basically a barren wasteland in terms of IT work - plus it was not long after the bottom had dropped out of the whole .com thing. I just languished for several years thereafter leaning on my wife who became a nurse. She at the time didn't mind. I just became a full time dad.

She became pregnant again with our twins. She had them as I had intended to return to the university to finish a General Studies degree. The reason for the General Studies degree was because I had all those credits that really didn't fit anywhere, but music and I had decided that ship had sailed so the only real option left was the General Studies degree. That would be fine. I just wanted to complete my BS and go from there. Well, I had to interrupt this in the spring of 2006 because my twins were born.

I then became Mr. Mom again for a couple of reasons. The cost of daycare for two infants and the special needs of two premature babies. They needed intense care.

A year or so later, my wife met someone online that was an IT recruiter. She said she could help me find work and she did. I got a job as a QA Analyst. I liked the job, but I couldn't stop thinking about wanting to be a teacher. I also didn't like the QA thing. This bothered my wife. It was the first time that we both were pulling a nice paycheck and I was to some degree still complaining. In hind sight I shouldn't have complained and rode it out, but I couldn't seem to shake what was in my heart. As you might have guessed, I lost my job. I was unable to even get an interview for QA work because of my lack of experience and it has been nearly 11 months. I have gotten some other IT related work interviews, but have so far not been hired.

As I said this bothered my wife about my heart still wanting to teach. I do regret it. I should have just kept my nose to the grind stone for my family if not for me. What am I to do now? She was upset also because she liked the money and the fact she didn't have to work so much. She picked up lots of overtime to make up for my lost income. It was hard on her especially when just a few months ago we were sitting nicely when I was working.

There is more though about her working extra and my being home. I tried to find a job diligently for a couple months, but then I relaxed. She was working extra hours and I just kind of fell back into the role I had had for the last several years. She was quietly getting angry and I didn't see it. I really didn't. This was the way it had been and I loved being back with my family. However, she was getting really, REALLY angry. Again this was going on without me realizing it. Sad. I can't believe this was going on and I was to blind to see it.

This is a super brief background leading up to what recently had been going on behind the scenes. I will begin with the

It's my sons 8th Birthday

I didn't want my other post today to overshadow everything. It was just coincidental that I happened to decide to post on my sons birthday, but yep he is 8 today. Just like everyone else, I am amazed at how fast he has grown. He is a wonderful little boy. He is trying too, but I try not to blame him. He has ADHD. Those who truly have children with ADHD know the conflicting emotions that comes with this condition. Your child is medicated and they are wonderful, thoughtful, and sweet children. It is here you get to see their true heart. The moments they do such thoughtful things or say something that melts your heart. Then the medicine wears off and they are bouncing off the walls, hurting their siblings, having meltdowns, ignoring correction, and then you nearly snap. Regardless of their issues, it is still so hard to maintain reason. But, I adore him. He is my little buddy. I don't have any friends, well at least any in my vicinity. He is it. I would love to count my wife here, but she has taken a different course so it is really just my son and me. I have twin boys as well, but they are only two so it will be a while before they do what my big guy and I do.

It saddens me to think that I only have about three to five more years with my son. What do I mean? Well, I kind of think - through experience - that your children are more or less yours from birth until they turn about 11 to 13. Then you sort of lose them to their friends and activities. It is until around this age you are their first thought. You can be expected to be apart in some capacity in just about everything they do, but that all changes when they start hanging with friends more and definitely when they become interested in the opposite sex. I am not saying you loose them entirely, but your role shrinks rapidly. This is the way of life I know, but that doesn't mean it won't sadden me as I see it happen.

A lot has happened since my last post

What do you do when your life has a paradigm shift? Something happen in the time from my last post that has turned my life upside down. I found out my wife doesn't feel about me like she once did. I have considered many times writing about this subject, but just couldn't decide if I wanted to. I couldn't decide where to begin or how - also whether I should. However, I really believe the real reason is the amount of what I want to say is staggering. It is for this reason I have decided to just begin. I have to chop it up into separate thoughts. They will not be in chronological order and they will be fragmented, but since no one has even read this blog who cares right?

This could be seen as a reintroduction. I am going to write a lot about my wife, but I will also interject thoughts of life and my children.

Plus, I may cover something that has really changed my view of religion. It is something that many people should easily embrace, but likely will not. It is the rational that there is not a hell most of us envision from our traditional view of hell from the Bible. Instead, those that are lost will die, no eternity except an eternal death, and those worthy will inherit eternal life. The Bible is really simple and clear on this, but because of Catholicism and Paganism it has been so ingrained in our beliefs it is nearly impossible for people to believe, but it is true. I will present the argument coming up.