Passing time continued

I am married. I have been married for over 12 years to someone I have been with for 18 years as of March 18th, 2008. We met in high school - my senior year her sophomore year. It just amazes me all the time that has passed. The surprising thing is I have at least two others from my class who have been together just as long and the other longer - one happens to be my ex-girlfriend that I dated for two years in high school. But looking back only brings tears.

I just can't believe that I it has been 18 years. I graduated at 18 and now I have been out of school for 18 years. The age old question where did the years go? My wife's father recently put a vacation they went on when she was 16 on DVD - we had been dating 10 months at that time - and when I watch it and my heart just wrenchs. To see my wife so young, so sweet and I was her boyfriend at the time. It is so wonderful and sad to see. It is so weird to be in this situation. It is not like many people who meet in college or later and get married. They see old photographs of their spouses and they weren't a part of their lives. I was! I have been with my wife more that she has been without me!

She doesn't understand my longing for that time again. She is mature on the subject and has accepted that time marches on. She has decided to try and enjoy the now. I tell myself such things, but it is so hard. Perhaps in my case impossible. It is not just my wife. I look at her sisters - all the same age mind you. How? Well, one is a step-sister and the other is a twin. Voila, we have three sisters the same age. So I was there to see them grow up, marry, and have children. Her father was 45 when we met now 63. It is scary. I miss them being young. I miss being younger.

This is a little off point, but I believe one of the many reasons I long for the past besides the insecurity of the future for sure, but all the mistakes I have made just eat me up. Don't get me wrong I am good person. I just have fell short in so many ways. I have always wanted to be a teacher. I have many credits - no teaching degree. I have a computer degree, but it is not what I want to do.


There are so many reason for this. Perhaps I will in time flesh it out on this blog. Who knows? Anyway this is just one of my many random thoughts or situations that bring out such feelings. There will be plenty more. Plus, I will reveal many more of my own faults as well.